5 Things I Learned in the Dumpster Fire That Has Been 2020

Photos taken by Kait Arnold from Bay Shore, New York

Does the weight of this year feel a little heavy? If the answer is HELL YES…Put it down. Drop your shoulders. Take a breath. You are not alone. The problems of the world, even your individual world, are not solely on you to fix. We are witnessing death, civil unrest, and political upheaval on a scale like we have never experienced before. All while having our own personal daily peaks and valleys that come with daily life. Life doesn’t stop just because society, as we once knew it, has had to hit the pause button. Friends are still fighting, people will still break your heart, kids are still punks, there are still fat days and skinny days, there are wins and losses, and EVERYTHING in between.

5 things that I have learned in this Dumpster fire of a year:

1. The only thing constant is change. We are learning how to go about daily life in a completely new way. Is ‘completely new’ a little scary? Heck yes. New is always scary, but that is where growth happens. Rebirth. Butterflies. New inventions. Aren’t we thankful Steve Jobs tried something new and scary with the iPod in 2001? What about Alexander Graham Bell and the telephone in 1976? FYI, I Googled that. I’ve never been one to spit random facts with exact years off of the top of my head. The fear of the unknown is anxiety provoking; the stories we tell ourselves in our head about the unknown can be daunting. We have all been there. What if the first caterpillar was too scared about the unknowns of metamorphosis and decided she was content as a caterpillar? She would never know she was meant to FLY. Thank goodness, she took the leap and cocooned up. Was it easy for this little hypothetical caterpillar? No…it was probably the scariest moment of its little life. Does growth have to be scary? No…maybe…Either way, lean into it. Know that you are just a little caterpillar right now and you were made to fly.
2. If you ask me (for the sake of post, I’ll pretend that you did), I’ll tell you that 85% of your stressors are self-induced. And the solution: don’t be so damn hard on yourself. As Celine Dion once *kinda* said, “life will go on”. Whether you stress about the 5 pounds or not , life goes on, the rest of the world unfazed. Take some advice from Bob Marley when he said, “Don’t worry, be happy”. When given the choice, and you are ALWAYS given the choice, choose the one that benefits you the most. Choose positivity. Choose self-love. Choose happiness. Sounds simple, right? Yet, why are we constantly and consistently sabotaging our own lives? Stressing about something we said 4 years ago. Overthinking the presentation we have tomorrow. Beating yourself up over the cake or the typo. We’ve all been there. We’ve all made mistakes. Sure, some people might seem ‘perfect’ on the outside, but perfection is unattainable…and pretty damn boring. So why stress about being something that not one of the 7.59 billion people on this planet are either?
3. Stop comparing yourself to others. Will you ever be as cool as your near perfect 16-year old neighbor with 11k Insta followers? Probably not. Actually, no, you never will be, not only because human cloning is not scientifically possible yet (I don’t think), but also because no one is put on this Earth for the same reason. Maybe you were destined for something sooo much cooler. (This is NOT a knock against *insta fame*, you do you.) Life becomes a lot easier when you realize you — the real, authentic you — is enough! Your friend has more money than you? Cool, good for her. Your sisters are both better at doing life than you are? Kudos to them. You will never be them, so quit while you’re ahead (or behind, idk, just QUIT). Stop comparing yourself to the people in your circle, to the people outside your circle and especially to the Instagram models. You dull the real you when trying to be someone else’s version. Be you. I promise it’s enough.
4. This one piggybacks on number 3: If someone makes you feel small, they DO NOT deserve a seat at your (hypothetical & socially distant) table. Your table (aka your circle) can only be so big. I mean how many happy hours and morning walks could you possibly squeeze in a week? Learn who makes you feel alive and who makes you feel small. You were not made to be small. Hint: only allow people that make you feel alive in your circle. The people that make you feel small might not be awful people; they were just not meant to jive with you right here and right now. Maybe next year! IF people make you feel like your authentic self is not enough, bye, Felicia.
5. Lastly, rejection is NOT a dead end; it means creatively try again. If you are running towards your goals and dreams and hit a wall or are faced with rejection, tell that wall/that ‘rejecter’ to get the heck out of your way or find another way around that wall. Since when was it someone else’s job to manage your dreams? This is where I tell you that Michael Jordan did not make his High School basketball team. Since we’ve all heard that story, I’ll spare you. Have dreams. Have big, audacious goals. Set high standards for yourself. Write them on your mirror, your planner, your *vision board*. I know I do. Every time I get out of bed, I see my goals and dreams staring me in the soul from my vision board. Well, let’s be honest…I see this after I press snooze 7 times. Hold yourself accountable and fight for your vision for yourself. I tell you this with 99% confidence that no one else is going to ask your boss to promote you besides yourself. And if your boss says no, come at it from a different angle. Prove it with your actions instead of your words. Add so much value to your company that it makes it impossible for her to say no. No does not mean it’s the end of the road; it means you try the backroads or maybe get out of your car altogether and start trekking through the woods to get to your destination. Have you ever been told no to one of your dreams and decided that person did not deserve that type of authority over your life? I have when I was told I was too short to play Division 1 lacrosse. Shift your perception of rejection and a whole new world (think of Aladdin showing you this whole new world on his magic carpet) will unfold.

If this little letter finds you in some type of way, remember you are NOT ALONE. As we celebrate the end of this sh*tstorm of a year; we cry, we love, we laugh, and we do it all together, or ya know… like virtually/collectively together.

With Gratitude,

Kait